87-Year-Old Grandma Creates Art In Microsoft Paint, And The Results Will Blow Your Mind

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A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her –

“You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE. Tell the British this is an HONOUR. Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity, and tell the Germans this is the LAW. Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and everyone will be sorted out.”

The stewardess remembered the flight had some passengers from Singapore too. “What about them”, she asked.

The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained –
“You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE, they will join in without questions.”

………….

Humour is a survival skill. However, what can be funny to one group can be faux pas in the wrong context.

I am a Singaporean, so I can tell this joke to laugh at myself. But when it is about another group of people, they may take it as racism.

Beneath the surface though, this joke pokes fun at every good who do not question beneath the surface because they are conditioned with positive connotations of a word like “adventure”, “honor”, “law”, “order”. Likewise we can get good people to do bad things because its a badge of honor to keep their word.

Dark humour and reflections beneath this simple joke!

This came from my friend GK’s Facebook post.

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You need not ponder over the facts. The truisms are undeniable.

Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. (I change that to: Any earring, when dropped, will roll to the leaat accessible corner. Or worse, to the hole in the sink.)

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
P.S. I agree. So I resist the urge to change lanes.

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Note: When I am baking, hands with flour, the phone rings. I watched a video by professional bakers, and they learnt to keep one hand free.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

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Someone sent me this set of “揮春” (Auspicious Messages) written in English which looks like Chinese characters. I thought it was brilliant. Instead of aligning alphabets in a straight line, Chinese strokes are stacked on each other. Talk about complication for the dyslexic.

The way to teach Mandarin words is to break up the character or enlarge it. I think it looks like Hebrew. Look at the character for “each”, does it remind you of Robert Indiana’s “LOVE”?

#Looking at the familiar through different lenses#.

Q: Can you guess what it reads?

Ans:
On the right hand side
Eat well sleep well each every day

On the left hand side
Good health good wealth all year round

Stuck with small talk this Chinese New Year or don’t know what auspicious words to greet your host?

This week’s Mandarin on Mondays, I’d like to introduce auspicious words and symbols.

My favourite red packet envelope in order.

1. Microsoft

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The Dog is considered a lucky animal by Chinese. A stray dog wandering into one’s home symbolise fortune is coming.

A dog’s bark symbolise fortune coming. How do dogs bark in your culture? Chinese dogs bark “wang wang” 旺旺 – same sound as fortune coming.

Wish you prosperity during Year of Dog. 祝你狗年旺旺旺。
祝你十犬十美

2. Seletar Aerospace Park

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Anything bound for flight. Flying birds, aeroplanes.

Wish you promotion.
祝你 – 飞黄腾达
步步高升 (bù bù gāo shēng): May you rise steadily (at work).
平步青云 (píng bù qīng yún): May you rise rapidly in the world (social status or career).

飞黄腾达
fēihuáng-téngdá/
神马腾空奔驰(飞黄:古代传说的神马名。比喻官职、地位迅速上升。)

3. Sun Yatsen Museum

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Bat (蝙蝠 – biānfú) – longevity, happiness, good luck (the Chinese word for bat, “蝠” (fú) sounds like the word for good fortune

Here, there are Five Blessings, bat, cloud, pomegranate, peony (a long life, riches, health, love of virtue and a natural death). 五福临门。

4. Lee Kong Chian Natural History Museum

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Which has a fabulous collection of crabs.

螃蟹 pangxie – Crab symbolise promotion in social status because crabs like to crawl. Shell of Crab 甲 jia represents being top in exams. Xie sounds like harmony 协 xie as in 合心协力.
http://www.mahjongtreasures.com/tag/crab-symbolism-in-chinese-art/

5. Public Utilities Board

With their iconic Water Wally reminding us of the importance of Water. Running Water symbolise wealth.

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Why you need to learn mandarin and not trust google translate. One wonders about the Tamil translation.

Small change unavailable here(此处无小额零钱可兑换)”则译成了“小的更改无法在这里”。Change in this context refers to coins for the ticket vending machine. Whereas if you had used google translate, it will use “change” as in “improve”, ie “make changes to”.

Good intentions to appeal to a multiracial group need #mindfulness# in execution.

Source:
https://www.channel8news.sg/news8/singapore/20180204-sg-smrt-translation/3951612.html

子曰:“吾十有五而志于学,三十而立,四十而不惑,五十而知天命,六十而耳顺,七十而从心所欲,不逾矩。”《论语》

zǐ yuē:“wú shí yǒu wǔ ér zhì yú xué,sān shí ér lì,sì shí ér bú huò,wǔ shí ér zhī tiān mìng,liù shí ér ěr shùn,qī shí ér cóng xīn suǒ yù,bù yú jǔ。”《lùn yǔ》

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Humans go through physiological life stages from baby to child to teenager then to old age. What about psychological life stages?

Here, I would like to share the life stages presented by Confucius, and it puts into perspective the advice given by Chinese entrepreneur Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.

The best interpretation, or one that helped me make sense of Confucius’ saying is this post on the following site:
https://m.ruiwen.com/news/64708.htm
(I do not vouch for the site)

Confucius says,

“When I was fifteen, I started on my pursuit of life’s path/ career (being open to questioning and devote in finding my path);

(After many years of hard work)
when I was thirty, my understanding of life, my path was set firmly;

when I was forty, I no longer doubt my life decisions (my career path is set);

when I was fifty, my inner and outer world finds alignment. I have found (act out) my mission in life. I practice what I preach (No mid life crisis here) 五十而知天命.

when I was sixty, I realised that life is complex and I begin to accept – the positive and the negative views – and not be upset;

when I was seventy, I had the freedom to do whatever my heart desires, within the rules of this world [that I have observed throughout all of my life].”

Examining Confucius, I realised that Jack Ma’s sayings are built on philosophical foundations, just like in the Western world if you quote Socrates.

What Jack Ma says (probably building on the sayings of Confuscius) :

“When you are 20 to 30 years old, you should follow a good boss [and] join a good company to learn how to do things properly,” Ma said. (Learn as much as you can.)

“When you are 30 to 40 years old, if you want to do something yourself, just do it. You still can afford to lose, to fail,”

“When you’re 40 to 50 years old, my suggestion is you should do things you are good at.” Instead of diving into a new field or subject toward the later years in your career.

“When you are 50 to 60 years old, spend time training and developing young people, the next generation,” Ma added.

“When you are over 60 years old, you better stay with your grandchildren.”

Source:
https://www.cnbc.com/2018/01/30/jack-ma-dont-fear-making-mistakes-in-your-20s-and-30s.html