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Joke

This is a neat trick to try while waiting for food to arrive at the restaurant.

Pick any digit and write it down three times. Perhaps you’ve chosen 333 or 888.

Add the 3 digits together:
3 + 3 +3=9 or
8 +8+8= 24

Now divide your original three digit number (333 or 888) by the sum of the digit (9 or 24).

You will get an answer: 37

Why is that so? It is a universal truth. 37 is a prime number.

From “Things to make and do in the Fourth Dimension” by Matt Parker

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A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.

The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her –

“You tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE. Tell the British this is an HONOUR. Tell the French this is a ROMANTIC activity, and tell the Germans this is the LAW. Tell the Japanese this is an ORDER, and everyone will be sorted out.”

The stewardess remembered the flight had some passengers from Singapore too. “What about them”, she asked.

The captain, taking a deep breath, patiently explained –
“You need not tell the Singaporeans anything, my dear. Once they see a QUEUE, they will join in without questions.”

………….

Humour is a survival skill. However, what can be funny to one group can be faux pas in the wrong context.

I am a Singaporean, so I can tell this joke to laugh at myself. But when it is about another group of people, they may take it as racism.

Beneath the surface though, this joke pokes fun at every good who do not question beneath the surface because they are conditioned with positive connotations of a word like “adventure”, “honor”, “law”, “order”. Likewise we can get good people to do bad things because its a badge of honor to keep their word.

Dark humour and reflections beneath this simple joke!

This came from my friend GK’s Facebook post.

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You need not ponder over the facts. The truisms are undeniable.

Universal Laws

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. (I change that to: Any earring, when dropped, will roll to the leaat accessible corner. Or worse, to the hole in the sink.)

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
P.S. I agree. So I resist the urge to change lanes.

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Note: When I am baking, hands with flour, the phone rings. I watched a video by professional bakers, and they learnt to keep one hand free.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

How to Ask for a Salary Increase. Joke I received from Whatsapp.

An employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.

You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the world may be headed for aNOther recession. Looking at ecoNOmic fundamentals, things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly, Boss

*Clever Signage*!! 😃😃😃
———————————————–
*A sign in a shoe repair store*:
“We will heel you,
we will save your sole,
we will even dye for you!”

Sign over a *Gynaecologist’s Office*:
“Dr. George, at your cervix.”

At an *Eye Clinic*:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a *Plumber’s truck*:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On an *Electrician’s truck*:
“Let us remove your shorts.”

In a *Non-smoking Area*:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

On a *Maternity Room door*:
“Push. Push. Push.”

At a *Car Dealership*:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

At the *Electric Company*:
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a *Restaurant window*:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”.

In the front yard of a *Funeral Home*:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Sign on the back of *Septic Tank Truck*:
“Caution – This Truck is Full of Political Promises.”  😃

Source: Received on Whatsapp from friends

The story goes that a young Indian Chief having spent 2 years in a Business School decided to implement some of the principles he had learnt.

Planning for a harsh winter, he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he decided to rely on more rigorous research. To comfirm his predictions, he phoned the local meteorological service.

“Tell me, what is the weather predictions this winter? Is it going to be a bad winter?”

“Yes” replied the forecaster ” it will be a bad one”

So the Chief told the braves that they didn’t have enough wood and sent them back into the forest again. They returned with more wood but once again the Chief had doubts and he called the forecaster to confirm.

“It is going to be a really severe winter” replied the forecaster.

The Chief look at the wood store, decided that more was required and the braves were dispatched back in to forest.

This time the Chief decided to ask the forecaster for more proof. “Are you sure it’s going to be a really severe winter”

“Look” said the forecaster “its definitely going to be the worst winter on record – the Indians are gathering wood like crazy!”

What signs are you relying on, to prepare for your future?
Who are your sources? Are you relying on multiple sources or relying from the same well that validates your bias?

From GK.

Just for Laugh (from my good friend Josephine)

🔴 Wife : Shall I prepare Curry or Soup today?
Husband : First make it, we will name it later.

🔴 A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :
Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife …
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

🔴 A married man’s prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away 😟
You gave me youth, You took it away. 😟
You gave me a wife … It’s been years now, just reminding You.

🔴 A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?”

Husband answer “Because he’s thinking of getting married”.

🔴 Husband : I found Aladdin’s lamp today.
Wife : Wow! what did u ask for darling??
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times.
Wife : Oh darling … love u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.

🔴 Employee : Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???
Boss : I am a lion at home too, But there we have a lion tamer !!!

🔴 A man gave his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo ! That was the deal.

🔴 A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife : Honey … you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : That’s at home sweetheart … here the chef knows how to cook.

🔴 Best Slogan on a MAN’s T-Shirt :
“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”