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How to Ask for a Salary Increase. Joke I received from Whatsapp.

An employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed.

You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the world may be headed for aNOther recession. Looking at ecoNOmic fundamentals, things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly, Boss

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*Clever Signage*!! πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ
———————————————–
*A sign in a shoe repair store*:
“We will heel you,
we will save your sole,
we will even dye for you!”

Sign over a *Gynaecologist’s Office*:
“Dr. George, at your cervix.”

At an *Eye Clinic*:
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a *Plumber’s truck*:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

On an *Electrician’s truck*:
“Let us remove your shorts.”

In a *Non-smoking Area*:
“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

On a *Maternity Room door*:
“Push. Push. Push.”

At a *Car Dealership*:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

At the *Electric Company*:
“We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time. However, if you don’t, YOU will be de-lighted.”

In a *Restaurant window*:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”.

In the front yard of a *Funeral Home*:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Sign on the back of *Septic Tank Truck*:
“Caution – This Truck is Full of Political Promises.”Β  πŸ˜ƒ

Source: Received on Whatsapp from friends

The story goes that a young Indian Chief having spent 2 years in a Business School decided to implement some of the principles he had learnt.

Planning for a harsh winter, he sent all the braves out to collect wood. As he watched them return laden with timber from the forest he decided to rely on more rigorous research. To comfirm his predictions, he phoned the local meteorological service.

“Tell me, what is the weather predictions this winter? Is it going to be a bad winter?”

“Yes” replied the forecaster ” it will be a bad one”

So the Chief told the braves that they didn’t have enough wood and sent them back into the forest again. They returned with more wood but once again the Chief had doubts and he called the forecaster to confirm.

“It is going to be a really severe winter” replied the forecaster.

The Chief look at the wood store, decided that more was required and the braves were dispatched back in to forest.

This time the Chief decided to ask the forecaster for more proof. “Are you sure it’s going to be a really severe winter”

“Look” said the forecaster “its definitely going to be the worst winter on record – the Indians are gathering wood like crazy!”

What signs are you relying on, to prepare for your future?
Who are your sources? Are you relying on multiple sources or relying from the same well that validates your bias?

From GK.

Just for Laugh (from my good friend Josephine)

πŸ”΄ Wife : Shall I prepare Curry or Soup today?
Husband : First make it, we will name it later.

πŸ”΄ A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :
Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife …
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

πŸ”΄ A married man’s prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away 😟
You gave me youth, You took it away. 😟
You gave me a wife … It’s been years now, just reminding You.

πŸ”΄ A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?”

Husband answer “Because he’s thinking of getting married”.

πŸ”΄ Husband : I found Aladdin’s lamp today.
Wife : Wow! what did u ask for darling??
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times.
Wife : Oh darling … love u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.

πŸ”΄ Employee : Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???
Boss : I am a lion at home too, But there we have a lion tamer !!!

πŸ”΄ A man gave his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo ! That was the deal.

πŸ”΄ A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife : Honey … you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : That’s at home sweetheart … here the chef knows how to cook.

πŸ”΄ Best Slogan on a MAN’s T-Shirt :
“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”

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Picture: trishaw train at the November car free Sunday morning in the civic district, Singapore. Pulling together.

The American and the Japanese corporate offices for a large multi-national corporation decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day the Japanese team won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided to find the reason for the crushing defeat. A consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend a plan.

The finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

Too many people were steering and not enough rowers on the American team.

Next year, as race day neared, the American team reorganized the management structure completely. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system to incentivise the person rowing the boat.

At the race, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American steering managers started an investigation to find out who was responsible for the poor performance. The managers completed the report. It was the rower. He was laid-off and the managers given a bonus for discovering the problem.

Remove the terms “American” and “Japanese”. Ask, which type of organisation culture do you work in? One, where people pull in to help one another or one where word play, report writing is a substitute for actual performance?

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Picture: roosters near Telok Blsngah

Two roosters, both thirsty, arrived at their usual water hole at the same time. They immediately began to argue who should satisfy their thirst first. The argument became heated, and each decided he would rather die than give up the privilege of being first to quench his thirst.

As they stubbornly confronted each other, their emotions turned to rage. Their cruel attacks on each other were suddenly interrupted. They both looked up. Circling overhead were vultures waiting for the loser to fall. Quietly, the two beasts turned and walked away. The thought of being devoured was all they needed to end their quarrel.

Consider President-elect Donald Trump’s overtures to China on tariffs and trade. China is not the worst enemy of the US. If the two giants were to enter into a trade war, there are vultures flying around, waiting to pick the bones.

This is a joke recently told to me by a senior management leader, about the need to check our assumptions.

No harm or malice intended towards the professions mentioned below:

An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were interviewed for position of Chief Executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first. He was asked a long list of questions, finally: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, made a series of calculations and returned to the boardroom, declaring, “Four.”

The physicist was interviewed next. He was asked the same questions for consistency. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, went to the library, and did a great deal of research. After comsulting the United States Bureau of Standards, he also announced, “Four.”

The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew the blinds in the room. Closed the door, and asked the interviewer, “How much do you want it to be?”

Our world view is often shaped by the culture we are from, national culture, organisation culture and even our professional culture.

Do your old assumptions still work in dealing with a new world ?
How do you know that the person you’re dealing with; works on the same assumptions or similar standards ?

How would you navigate in the “white rapid” world of work? How do you prepare yourself?

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Photo taken at the Tongarino rapids in North Island, New Zealand.