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Joke

A man was carrying his backpack and ran into a kind person who offered him a ride on his truck.

In the truck, the man would not let down his backpack. When asked, the man replied. “Sir, you are so kind to give me a lift, how can I burden you by imposing my backpack on you?

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I received these jokes this morning and had to share them. Thought they were ingenious, whoever created them.

Beauty of the English language which shows that guessing the root word may have a different meaning.

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The following questions were in a UK grade 12 equivalent examination– (Purportedly genuine answers).

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the 5 bowels… A, E, I, O, U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A. Nearby

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section.’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I conked out.)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

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I had to share this!!!
Cheers

A store that sells new husbands opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the
instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to The Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door read:

Floor 1 – These men have Jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign read:

Floor 2 – These men have Jobs, love the Lord and Love Kids.

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, love the Lord, Love Kids, and are Extremely
Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign read:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, love the Lord,  Love Kids, Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign read:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, love the Lord, Love Kids, Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic
Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign read:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Watch your step as you exit the building.

Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.

Below is another version from the worldwide web told to avoid gender bias charges.

The store’s owner opened The Wife Store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that serve you daily.

The second floor has wives that serve you daily, love physical intimacy, have money and can really cook.

The third floor has wives that serve you daily, love physical intimacy, have money, can really cook, and are drop dead gorgeous.

The fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

(Recently the following has been making its way through Whatsapp. I am sharing it here not knowing who the author is. This was sent by a former colleague TSL.)

Lexophile describes those with a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or “To write with a broken pencil is pointless”

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

Some of these phrases need an understanding of science and cultural metaphors. An interesting way to teach students from a non Anglo-Saxon culture the idioms.

What careers do you think suits a Lexophile?

The last one is a reason to be humble and not smarty pants.

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍊🍊🍊🍊🍋🍋🍋🍋

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore.

I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

For more jokes to lighten your day:
Creating communities through laughter.

image

Credit source: Mediacock FB page

A picture says a thousand words.

What do you see in this picture?
a. Old economy work place vs Newer economy- robots , technology disrupting our lives and livelihood!
b. Who stole my lunch?
C. Mistrust between management and worker
d. A company that is top heavy?
e. Workers do not know management’s value add. Poor communication by management?
f. Managers that are not value adding to the bottom line beyond paper pushing.

If the company continues down this route, its unlikely to last long before its overtaken by competitors.

Unfortunately, its true that many workplaces are short of workers because of lack of skills and the lack of attrativeness of certain jobs.

Salaries need to be adjusted to compensate person doing the work.

I wonder, if you were the worker on the ladder, what would you do ?

a) join a union
b) quit
C) brand myself
d) network to change jobs
e) start a company
f) become part of management

Other options?

This is a neat trick to try while waiting for food to arrive at the restaurant.

Pick any digit and write it down three times. Perhaps you’ve chosen 333 or 888.

Add the 3 digits together:
3 + 3 +3=9 or
8 +8+8= 24

Now divide your original three digit number (333 or 888) by the sum of the digit (9 or 24).

You will get an answer: 37

Why is that so? It is a universal truth. 37 is a prime number.

From “Things to make and do in the Fourth Dimension” by Matt Parker