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Joke

From GK.

Just for Laugh (from my good friend Josephine)

🔴 Wife : Shall I prepare Curry or Soup today?
Husband : First make it, we will name it later.

🔴 A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :
Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife …
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

🔴 A married man’s prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away 😟
You gave me youth, You took it away. 😟
You gave me a wife … It’s been years now, just reminding You.

🔴 A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

“My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?”

Husband answer “Because he’s thinking of getting married”.

🔴 Husband : I found Aladdin’s lamp today.
Wife : Wow! what did u ask for darling??
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times.
Wife : Oh darling … love u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn’t apply on zero.

🔴 Employee : Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???
Boss : I am a lion at home too, But there we have a lion tamer !!!

🔴 A man gave his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo ! That was the deal.

🔴 A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, “the food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife : Honey … you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : That’s at home sweetheart … here the chef knows how to cook.

🔴 Best Slogan on a MAN’s T-Shirt :
“Please Do Not Disturb me,
I am Married and already very Disturbed”

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Picture: trishaw train at the November car free Sunday morning in the civic district, Singapore. Pulling together.

The American and the Japanese corporate offices for a large multi-national corporation decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day the Japanese team won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided to find the reason for the crushing defeat. A consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend a plan.

The finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.

Too many people were steering and not enough rowers on the American team.

Next year, as race day neared, the American team reorganized the management structure completely. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system to incentivise the person rowing the boat.

At the race, the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American steering managers started an investigation to find out who was responsible for the poor performance. The managers completed the report. It was the rower. He was laid-off and the managers given a bonus for discovering the problem.

Remove the terms “American” and “Japanese”. Ask, which type of organisation culture do you work in? One, where people pull in to help one another or one where word play, report writing is a substitute for actual performance?

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Picture: roosters near Telok Blsngah

Two roosters, both thirsty, arrived at their usual water hole at the same time. They immediately began to argue who should satisfy their thirst first. The argument became heated, and each decided he would rather die than give up the privilege of being first to quench his thirst.

As they stubbornly confronted each other, their emotions turned to rage. Their cruel attacks on each other were suddenly interrupted. They both looked up. Circling overhead were vultures waiting for the loser to fall. Quietly, the two beasts turned and walked away. The thought of being devoured was all they needed to end their quarrel.

Consider President-elect Donald Trump’s overtures to China on tariffs and trade. China is not the worst enemy of the US. If the two giants were to enter into a trade war, there are vultures flying around, waiting to pick the bones.

This is a joke recently told to me by a senior management leader, about the need to check our assumptions.

No harm or malice intended towards the professions mentioned below:

An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were interviewed for position of Chief Executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first. He was asked a long list of questions, finally: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, made a series of calculations and returned to the boardroom, declaring, “Four.”

The physicist was interviewed next. He was asked the same questions for consistency. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, went to the library, and did a great deal of research. After comsulting the United States Bureau of Standards, he also announced, “Four.”

The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew the blinds in the room. Closed the door, and asked the interviewer, “How much do you want it to be?”

Our world view is often shaped by the culture we are from, national culture, organisation culture and even our professional culture.

Do your old assumptions still work in dealing with a new world ?
How do you know that the person you’re dealing with; works on the same assumptions or similar standards ?

How would you navigate in the “white rapid” world of work? How do you prepare yourself?

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Photo taken at the Tongarino rapids in North Island, New Zealand.

Once upon a time there were three men: a doctor, a city planner, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, “Head up or head down?”

“Head up,” said the doctor.

“Blindfold or no blindfold?”

“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade–and stopped barely an inch above the doctor’s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the city planner was led up to the guillotine.

“Head up or head down?” said the executioner.

“Head up.”

“Blindfold or no blindfold?”

“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade–and stopped an inch above the planner’s neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the planner was set free.

Finally the engineer was led up to the guillotine.

“Head up or head down?”

“Head up.”

“Blindfold or no blindfold?”

“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the engineer yelled out:

“WAIT! I see what the problem is!”

Moral of the story

Only children and fools tell the truth. German proverb.

Interestingly, “post-truth” has been chosen as the Oxford dictionary word of the year 2016.
http://learningenglish.voanews.com/a/post-truth-named-2016-word-of-the-year/3603012.html

Post-truth, as the website defines it, means to relate to situations where “objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.”

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A mechanical engineer went to a police station to file a report for his missing wife:

Engineer : My wife is missing. She went shopping and not returned home.

Inspector: What is her height?

Engineer: I didn’t notice

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Engineer: Not slim, probably healthy.

Inspector: Color of eyes?

Engineer: Never noticed.

Inspector: Color of hair?

Engineer: Depends on season.

Inspector: What was she wearing?

Engineer: Dress/ pants/ I don’t remember!

Inspector: Did she drive off in a car?

Engineer: Yes!

Inspector : Tell me the number, name and color of the car.

Engineer: 2016 Toyota Prius Hybrid. The electric motor with 90 horsepower, a lithium-ion battery. Full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all  light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door
And then the engineer started crying…

Inspector: Lets search for the car.

Do we make effort to communicate and understand each other?

You do? You’re outstanding! Give yourself a pat on the shoulder.

Let’s share a laugh.

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Mad-hatter at Chelsea Flower Show 2015, London

(Shared by a friend, JT)
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A Bank sends an e-mail to a borrower which reads:

YOUR PAYMENTS ARE OUTSTANDING

Borrower’s reply:

“THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT “

Gotta run. I’ve work that is outstanding.
Take a break. Have some kitkat.
Bet you can’t find sake kitkat in your country.

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Photo from my SIL AT, presents from the office